Conman, Forger, Artifact Maker?
by exileena
Summary: Why would a Warehouse agent visit a forger?
1. Visitors in the night

**Conman, Forger, Artifact Maker?**

Knock, knock.

Neal gives the painting he was finishing another quick look-over and nods satisfied. He walks over and opens door.

"Is it done?"

"Good evening, how are you. I'm doing wonderful." His efforts get an eye roll. "Yes it's done Artie, just now. Hasn't been aged or anything. You know I have a day-job now. I could be fired for this, by which I mean sent to prison. And don't you have that Guttenberg memory paper for paintings of an artifact nature?"

Artie waves his hand in the air, dismissing the question and inspecting the painting. "Thank you for getting this done so quickly, Neal. It needs to be an authentic forgery and fresh for what I need. You did use new paintbrushes?"

Neal assures him, "Yes Artie, my lock picks are fairly new as well." Artie looks alarmed.

"Lock picks?"

"I use them with the FBI."

Artie looks skeptical.

A knock heard on the door, Artie packs away his new forgery quickly in the carrier he brought with him.

"Come in," Neal calls.

Diana walks into the loft, looking extremely suspicious at Artie in his broad-rimmed hat and Neal in his painting gear.

"What are you doing here Diana? Usually it's Peter that shows up at all hours."

"He's at the scene. Why, something going on he or I shouldn't see?"

"Nothing, just having a friend by for a quick visit."

"And your friend's name – wait, I know you," Diana says slowly.

Artie looks shifty, "I doubt that my dear. It is though time for me to take my leave."

"Oh my, I remember, you're that agent from when I was a kid, the one who took that ugly sculpture from my hotel room in Poland. It had been given to my father as a diplomatic gift."

Artie looks to deny it and then gives up. "Yes, I remember your father being very frank in front of you. Your grandfather worked for my… agency and your father knew enough to contact us about the artifact he discovered."

"You know about the Warehouse, Diana?" Neal exclaims.

"Ah!" Artie injects too late.

"So I should call you a Warehouse agent, agent…?" Diana looks smug.

"Nielson, but I wouldn't go looking up anything about me," Artie says mysteriously.

"Hmm, but what I want to know is why am I finding you in Caffrey's loft? And why do you have a painting with you in said forger's loft?"

Artie looks at her intently. "Do you remember what happened with that sculpture? Would have cause quite a stir had the Polish government not received it."

Diana's eyes widened. "You replaced it with a fake! Neal!"

Neal looks at Artie, "Artie! Please elaborate to the nice FBI agent."

"Mr. Caffrey has in the past come under our purview and all I can say is that it falls under national security and as an agent of the NSA I cannot tell you more then that."

"So Caffrey stole an artifact and you got him out of trouble," Diana concludes.

"Hey! I stole nothing. In fact, I was the one stolen from," Neal protests. Diana clearly didn't believe it.

"And on that note, I believe I should leave."

Diana looks at them both and drops it. "Come on Caffrey, grab your silly hat and let's leave too. We have a break-in to investigate."

Arty stops. "Silly hat?"


	2. Silly hat?

Neal looks alarmed. "Not originally mine. Goes with a Devore suit and is just a fedora." Looks at Diana and gestures to his paint-spattered khakis. "And I need to change."

Arty doesn't quit and looks at Diana. "I met Neal here when a case came up of near-impossible home break-ins happening in Boston."

Neal interrupts. "And they weren't being done by me as I am not a common burglar, allegedly or not."

Artie gives Neal a long look and continues. "The burglar, who was not that skillful and also not Mr. Caffrey here, was using a set of lock picks that practically did the work themselves. What was interesting was that they were not an old pick set of some famous thief –"

"The most successful thieves are the ones you don't know about, which you know Artie," Neal interjects somewhat heatedly.

"– as the majority of such artifacts are, but instead belonged to Mr. Caffrey here, alleged thief." Artie concludes.

"Wait, you're saying Neal _made_ an artifact?" Diana sounds so surprised that Neal felt insulted.

"Yes, and has become a person of interest to me and my fellow agents."

"Warehouse agents," Neal helpfully adds, feeling put out. "And might I add that it's not them just looking into anything I do that could be illegal. It's _everything_ that I do."

"Person of interest? I haven't seen anything about you being a person of interest for anyone outside Interpol or the FBI much less a threat to national security. No way would you be out on work release." Neal could not decide if her disbelief was good or bad for him.

"It isn't that Neal is a criminal," Artie explains. "It's that he's skilled. Usually artifacts don't come, shall we say, active until the owner is dead. Neal here is different. We don't know why. We just keep an eye out for potential artifacts, tools or objects that characterize Mr. Caffrey and his abilities. Would you say, agent, that his 'silly hat' could be an artifact?"

Diana hesitated. Neal got upset. "It's not mine! It belongs to Byron, June's husband."

"Also a conman, Neal."

"Still, if it was an artifact it would be of Byron and since it doesn't make me a better conman it's not an artifact. Look, it belongs to June; I borrow it. Arty don't take it. I'll buy my own fedora."

Now Artie looks alarmed. "Don't do that." It takes a small spray bottle out of his bag. "Here, I meant to give you this. It's diluted neutralizer, what we use to well, neutralize artifacts. Just mist this over your hat whenever you finish being very…you while wearing it." Adds in a whisper, "and the lock picks."

"And my brushes?"

"No, it'll damage them." Artie looks at Diana. "He ended up with paint brushes that made perfect forgeries. He destroyed those before we got to them."

"Too late though. They made _copies_ but with my signature hidden in the work. Yeah, great thing to exist," Neal says sarcastically.

"It was only four years, Neal. And you had forged that bond, originally." Artie then realized that he had said too much. "And I need to go now."

Neal turns to Diana, glad to let someone know even if his first choice would have been Peter. He even decided to tell the whole truth. "I forged that bond, Diana. Don't worry, not innocent. But it was someone else using my brushes that put me on the radar and created the evidence that got me convicted."

Diana didn't say anything but lost the stricken look that had started to come over her face a moment before. Instead, she gestures to his closet. "We're going to be late to the crime scene at this point."

Neal gives a mini-bow and goes to get changed.

"And as for you, Agent Nielson, why _are_ you here now and what is...?" Diana realizes she is alone, Artie having snuck out when she was focusing on Neal. She probably didn't want to know what was in that carrier after all.

"Always complicated with you, Neal."


End file.
